Music

Words, when spoken out loud for the sake of performance, are Music; and Music has the ability to find us and move us and lift us up in ways that literal meaning cannot.

....Also stole this image from my cousin's blog. Don't judge. I'm just a Poser. iwannabelikeher.

Beautiful

I'm stealing this from my cousin's blog. She stole it from someone else's. I like it.

Stand.

When all these thoughts that through my head teeming

Spiral down to the ground and no one's believing--

When the strongest hearts are broken

And the purest truths unspoken

I can feel a burning awaken

For the joy friends have forsaken.

When the mirror shows me what I hate to see

And turning my back offers no reprieve--

When those I have admired are found sprawling on the ground,

Tears fill up my heart though my lungs release no sound.

I can feel harsh desperation

Compounding loss and frustration.

When I feel alone,

As though it's not possible to stand--

When the ranks are thinning

Though I stretch forth my hand...

My faith holds by a thread

And I lift my beseeching head

Holding out hope and firm resolution

That I will be apart from this apparent dissolution.

I've spent far too much time telling myself that I can do this...that I can have integrity and high standards...because so many others are doing the same thing.

And then I've spent far too much time hurt and confused and disappointed when those people turn their backs on what I admired so much about them.

You have to know for yourself. You have to.

Liken.

1 Nephi 19:23
And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning.

Bearing this in mind, let's go to 3 Nephi 17 and change things up a bit...

1-Behold, now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he looked again on me, and he said unto me: Behold, my time is at hand.

5-And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus spoken, he cast his eyes round about again, and beheld I was in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if I would ask him to tarry a little longer with me.
6-And he said unto me: Behold, my bowels are filled with compassion towards you.

16-And after this manner do I bear record: The eye hath never seen, neither hath the ear heard, before, so great and marvelous things as I saw and heard Jesus speak unto the Father;
17-And no tongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as I both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled my soul at the time I heard him pray for me unto the Father.
18-And it came to pass that when Jesus had made an end of praying unto the Father, he arose; but so great was my joy that I was overcome.
19-And it came to pass that Jesus spake unto me, and bade me arise.
20-And I arose from the earth, and he said unto me: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.

Lately

I'm in a meditative vegetative state and have been all weekend. All since Friday morning. I'd like to say I've been spending all this time pondering...but I couldn't tell you what about. It seems, instead, I've spent miles of time thinking about nothing--occupied by pushing away the pressing to-do lists, anxiously firing out texts and fidgeting, waiting for replies...Buckling down to do work last minute, wondering what in the world I'm doing, wishing to be elsewhere and wishing that people elsewhere were *here.*

Catch me in a photograph,

Capture me in time.

Hold me tighter than I can bear and,

Please,

Don't you dare let go.

Ima High School Student

When is it okay to just not do your homework?

When is it okay to just not study for a test?

When can you just climb into bed and fall asleep and assure yourself that it's not really that big of a deal?

Is it that big of a deal?

In the long run, sure, one test really doesn't matter...

But what are you cheating yourself of?

In the long run, how much does a few hours of sleep matter?

A few wakeful nights?

A few sluggish mornings?

How necessary is it for me to log out of this and instead of just climbing up into my bed as I desperately desire, to close the laptop and open my textbook?

If, in the long run, neither discrete incident will have any significance whatsoever... what do I do?

Hello, Chained Souls

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, 'cause I know you

Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
'Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay


Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby

--Tied Together With a Smile, Taylor Swift

It's back.

That fighting feeling,

That sick believing,

That wanting, yearning,

So disconcerting--

That feeling.

That fighting,

Falling,

Barely-crawling,

Climbing desperation

Of unknown origins.

Scattered senses,

Confused defenses,

Clouded lenses--

Or is that just

Teary eyes?

Slipping into

Who-knows-where

And in the mirror is

Hopefully-not-me,

A figure who

No one

Wants to be.

Turn away the cameras,

Draw the black curtain

To a close,

For what hides behind it

No one ought to know.

Slip into my silent,

Careful reverie,

Cradling against myself

The fragments of

What once was me.

Slide into the shadow,

Sidle against the walls,

Huddle until you hear

The gentle, loving calls.

Look at spilling moonlight,

A beauty you'll never be,

And whisper all the hateful words,

For only that acceptance

May set your own soul free.

Separated from reality

And afraid to be a friend,

It's the blade of your own thoughts

That will surely bring

The End.

You

are NOT

ALONE