Lately

I'm in a meditative vegetative state and have been all weekend. All since Friday morning. I'd like to say I've been spending all this time pondering...but I couldn't tell you what about. It seems, instead, I've spent miles of time thinking about nothing--occupied by pushing away the pressing to-do lists, anxiously firing out texts and fidgeting, waiting for replies...Buckling down to do work last minute, wondering what in the world I'm doing, wishing to be elsewhere and wishing that people elsewhere were *here.*

Catch me in a photograph,

Capture me in time.

Hold me tighter than I can bear and,

Please,

Don't you dare let go.

Ima High School Student

When is it okay to just not do your homework?

When is it okay to just not study for a test?

When can you just climb into bed and fall asleep and assure yourself that it's not really that big of a deal?

Is it that big of a deal?

In the long run, sure, one test really doesn't matter...

But what are you cheating yourself of?

In the long run, how much does a few hours of sleep matter?

A few wakeful nights?

A few sluggish mornings?

How necessary is it for me to log out of this and instead of just climbing up into my bed as I desperately desire, to close the laptop and open my textbook?

If, in the long run, neither discrete incident will have any significance whatsoever... what do I do?

Hello, Chained Souls

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, 'cause I know you

Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
'Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay


Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

Hold on baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows

That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby

--Tied Together With a Smile, Taylor Swift

It's back.

That fighting feeling,

That sick believing,

That wanting, yearning,

So disconcerting--

That feeling.

That fighting,

Falling,

Barely-crawling,

Climbing desperation

Of unknown origins.

Scattered senses,

Confused defenses,

Clouded lenses--

Or is that just

Teary eyes?

Slipping into

Who-knows-where

And in the mirror is

Hopefully-not-me,

A figure who

No one

Wants to be.

Turn away the cameras,

Draw the black curtain

To a close,

For what hides behind it

No one ought to know.

Slip into my silent,

Careful reverie,

Cradling against myself

The fragments of

What once was me.

Slide into the shadow,

Sidle against the walls,

Huddle until you hear

The gentle, loving calls.

Look at spilling moonlight,

A beauty you'll never be,

And whisper all the hateful words,

For only that acceptance

May set your own soul free.

Separated from reality

And afraid to be a friend,

It's the blade of your own thoughts

That will surely bring

The End.

You

are NOT

ALONE

Which Way is Up?

Hey, world?

Look in the mirror--

You're a little upside-down.

To Live

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove:
Go with peace and love.

Gather up your tears, keep them in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them

A penny for my thoughts?
Oh no, I’ll sell them for a dollar;
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singing--
Funny when you're dead how people start listening...

(excerpts from If I Die Young, The Band Perry)

If I were to die,
Murdered,
In cold blood tomorrow....
Would you feel sorrow?
Or show Love?
Or would it matter?

(When The Music Stops, Eminem)

You can't be a martyr unless you have a religion--unless you live a religion. You can't have a reason to die without having a reason to live. Death is only as grand of an affair as the life preceding it.

To A World Already So Full

I don't know what more to say

Than what has already been said--

To a finished tapestry,

What good is my thread?

When thousands together

Have already set the form,

My negligible contribution

May very well be torn.

But in weaving, as in life

It must be remembered

That every thread is woven

Amongst many others.

Although onlookers standing afar

Will surely not see me

I huddle next to other threads

In close proximity.

If my own path were crooked,

If I were to go astray,

It is certain that other threads

Would follow my skewed way.

I don't know who my life may touch,

But this much I pray each night:

Oh, Father, bless my heart

And keep me in thy sight.

I pray that I may do all

As thou would have me do;

That in my faith to thee

Others may see truth.

Allow me to touch just one soul,

Help me to find one heart,

Give me the will to bring together

And the strength to stand apart.

And when I feel that no one sees me,

That my role is for naught,

Then, Father, humble me,

Wipe these tears distraught.

Keep me strong so that my own path

May help others on their way

And I'll be happy if I can be

The sun in someone's day.

Through Your Eyes

Look at that cloud as high as a tree,
at least that's how it looks to me.

How about you? What do you see?
What if we see things differently?

If I had wings and I could fly
I would tell you all about the sky.

How about you?
If dreams could come true,
what do you imagine you could do?

And I could show you secret traits
where no one's ever gone.
I bet you've got secrets too
so don't be shy, come on...

Show me
How the world looks through your eyes.
Tell me about the sunrise,
Let me see the stars shine.
Show me
How the world looks through your eyes
And I can show you how it looks through mine.

Let me show you how it looks through mine...

Through Your Eyes
-Martina McBride


A Poorly Written Poem... The emotions are beyond the expression of words. I can't encompass the feeling...

I've found that every closet
Hides skeletons of its own,
And some conceal warm-blooded terror;
Trials not yet aged and not well known.

I've found that behind every smile
Insecurities abound
And the strength in this symbol
Is greater than tears can drown.

I've learned that love
Conquers pain
And it shields throbbing wounds
That otherwise would spirit drain.

I've learned that I will never know--
That I can't possibly understand--
So the biggest difference I can make
May be just holding out my hand.