Happy Valentine's Day!

From the girl who seriously needs to redye her hair because her blonde roots are showing and it makes her look like she's balding.

Trying to show off my festive shirt without getting up off of the couch. It says "AMOUR" and then "LOVE" underneath.

See? Balding at the part. Lame.

Fiscal Responsibility

I almost bought a concert ticket. $60 to see RASCAL FLATS and THE BAND PERRY. Man, oh man. Going to a Rascal Flats concert has been a goal for the past two years.
And then I thought about it....

I wrote out a $45 check for books
A $45 membership fee for Phi Alpha Theta (national history honor society)
I have a $50 bill coming up for taking care of an almost-cavity (the dentist said it ISN'T MY FAULT. My tooth didn't fully form, okay??)
And if I want to compete in the Phi Alpha Theta conference and present a paper, that will be $25.
Plus I finally wrote a tithing check out for my last three pay checks.

And I need to buy more bread. And milk.

So I decided to be responsible and NOT buy myself a concert ticket.

And then this skirt that I want is on sale... $10 off, plus I found an additional 10% off coupon... so I decided to buy it online. I made an account, put it in my shopping cart, entered my shipping and billing address.... And then saw how much shipping was. And grudgingly closed the window, deciding not to buy it, after all.

But I DID buy myself a $5 t-shirt from Walmart.
And $14 cords from JC Penny
And $12 exercise capris from Walmart because I was tired of going to Body Flow in my thin leggings and feeling like the class skank.
....And $15 in gas to get to Roanoke, where I used my $25 gift card at Olive Garden, plus another almost-ten-dollars for what the gift card didn't cover and the tip.

This stuff is HARD WORK!

When my life is like a TV show

I am a full time student (15 credit hours, plus a class I don't get credit for) with a part-time job(technically, two part-time jobs) (20 hours a week) and oh, so much to do.

Today I was at Colin's lacrosse game from one until three thirty, and then work from three forty-five until nine o'clock. Colin pretty much always picks me up from work (in the basement catacombs lower-level of Main Hall) and then drives me back to my apartment. He was waiting for me when I got out of work, like usual. I didn't know where he was parked, so followed him up the stairs to the main level, and he was headed for the ballroom to go out the doors near his usual parking spot.

The ballroom is a rather ornate room (rococo, I believe) and is often used for "official" meetings. There is a sign on the doors asking people to please go around the room (rather than through) when the doors are closed.

The doors were closed.

I said, "No, Colin, it says to go around!"
He said, "It will be fine!"

We went through the doors. I saw a group of people gathered, standing by a table, and staring at us.

I thought: OH, this is awkward. We just interrupted some social gathering. I really hope the university president wasn't having some sort of party--

and my irritation with Colin for pushing through those doors mounted.

The people yelled "SURPRISE!" and I swear I was stuck in some tv show and SO embarrassed.

You know how EVERY TIME a surprise party is planned on TV, the WRONG person walks in and everyone yells "SURPRISE!" and it's ruined??

I swear that was me. We shouldn't have walked through those doors. We just spoiled someone's surprise party. My life is literally like some stupid cliche show. I just hoped the birthday person wasn't right behind me so that the party could recover and hopefully continue somewhat smoothly and still be a surprise of sorts.

And then the people in the room came into focus.

And a light bulb went on.

And they were all looking at me.

And then I realized....

My birthday is coming up.

And Colin was beaming.

And it was my surprise birthday party.

And I wasn't mad at Colin, anymore.

You are not.

It hit me yesterday.

I am excessively uncomfortable with doing things I am not great at. Particularly in front of other people.

In the words of a favorite saying featured in a certain Cinderella movie, I let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game.

For example:
I am really self-conscious about my driving. It took me forever to get my license because I never wanted to practice because I was afraid of making mistakes and embarrassing myself/killing someone. And now that I have my license, I still try to avoid driving.

I'm not athletic. When I was younger, I hated playing tag (unless it was TV-tag, which introduced an element of knowledge, albeit pop culture), and as a child I was that kid who always yelled, "WAIT. TIME OUT!!" when I was about to be tagged. Or faked tripping. I transitioned giggling/gleeful/terrified evasion to whimpering and whining in like... zero seconds.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving with Colin's family. They have a kickball tradition, and OF COURSE I was among the last selected in picking teams (elementary flashback). It made me secretly wish that I was on the women's soccer team so that I could stun them all with my amazing kicking abilities and make them wish they'd picked me first. And it's not like I was the worst at kicking the ball. But Colin was on the other team and made a special (unfortunately successful) effort to get me out whenever I ran for first base. I could not believe it. And I can't catch or throw for anything, so outfield was no chance for redemption. I tried (unsuccessfully) to be a good sport and not be annoyed with him for throwing me under the bus. I tried. But who wants to be the family reunion guest that brings down the team?

And singing. Once upon a time I thought I was a decent singer. Actually, I even thought that I was pretty good. And then I was told otherwise. On multiple occasions and by various persons. So I grudgingly accepted that, and generally tried to rock out with reckless abandon. After all, if I act like I'm not trying and like I don't care, I can't be faulted. This was harder with Irish folk music and church hymns.

Back in November, Colin told me that they have a hootenannie tradition of sorts.
I got excited for this:

picture from here

Because that's what my family calls German pancakes.

This is what he meant: 

picture from here

So pretty much a jam session.

According to Wikipedia, we're both somewhat correct...

Hootenanny is an Appalachian colloquialism that was used in early twentieth century America as a placeholder name to refer to things whose names were forgotten or unknown. In this usage it was synonymous with thingamajig or whatchamacallit, as in "hand me that hootenanny." Hootenanny was also an old country word for "party". Nowadays the word most commonly refers to a folk-music party with an open mic, at which different performers are welcome to get up and play in front of an audience.

"Hootenanny" was also used by the leadership of early firefighting battalions to describe a "meeting of the minds" of higher ups or various department heads. The term has trickled down to working companies and is now used, with some frequency, at working incidents and other circumstances that require a focused discussion between key individuals. Most recently it was adopted for use during the annual Fire Department Instructors Conference. Logistics professionals for the conference employ the word to call together the required personnel needed to accomplish the prodigious assignments placed on them.

So in the end, instead of a buttery egg dish, there were...buttery voices.
And I was like... Man. I wish I could sing. And play the guitar. And things.

SO THE POINT OF THIS POST: 
I am in a class called "Group Voice" this semester, hoping to learn how to not sound bad when I sing. It's probably going to be the hardest class to get an 'A' in for me. (I'm not excellent at practice logs). Every week we have to send our professor a journal update, and this last week he emailed me back, responding to my sentiment, "I’m still nervous, but I’m getting a little excited about the possibility of being able to sing decently."
 He said: And you are singing not only decently, but very well!

Hallelujah.

In the words of another student, "Today I was blown away with the power of practicing. I used to think my singing voice couldn't really get better, it was just something I had to deal with. But know I know how much practice can really influence the quality of my singing voice."

There are so many skills I want to develop. And I'm getting the feeling that it's not too late to try... if only I could make the time!

Wants.

I bought Colin's Valentine's present. And I bought myself a book. And I'm telling myself that I am NOT going to indulge in post-Holiday splurging. So I will just share my lusts here.
If you decide you would like to indulge me, I will not attempt to dissuade you.

That chunky knit infinity scarf in gray. $28.

Hello, perfection for $37.60.

And then I just really like these. In a whole assortment of colors. And I can't even explain why they catch my fancy. But they do. $6.00 of my fancy, each.

And now that my wishes have been documented, I can finally close those internet tabs.

Collegiate Cooking

In my house there is one standard-sized frying pan. It resides on the stove. And there is generally just a little bit of grease coating the bottom. It is our communal frying pan.

Given, we share all the pots and pans among ourselves, but this one is especially "communal" because it is rarely washed. And by "rarely" I mean a couple of a few times a week.

I mean, if it's all greased and ready to go, why grab and grease another pan to fry my egg? Ya know?

We're really just being environmentally sensitive. And time efficient. And loving. And sharing and caring.

Not to mention... mmmmm, leftover grease is delectable!

Oh, this semester

My body and mind are just really opposed to this semester. Really.
I'm only through with week 1, and I feel like it's going to be an uphill battle the whole way.
I don't even know how to explain it... I'm just not into it.
I tried to take it easy this semester. But it doesn't feel like that's quite how it's going to go.

On Mondays and Wednesdays I have...
11-11:50, Book of Mormon part II
1:30-2:20, Teachings of the Living Prophets
2:30-3:35, Body Flow

Tuesdays and Thursdays are...
8:00-9:15, Group Voice
9:30-10:45, Saints, Signs & Symbols: Reading Medieval Art
12:30-1:45, American Politics and Foreign Policy Since WWII
2-3:15, Western Civilization II

Fridays I don't have any classes.

I'm planning to work a total of 17.5 hrs/week, Tuesdays through Saturdays.
And I'm just not feeling it.
A lot of this is work I need to be doing on my own-- I'm supposed to practice singing for 30 min/day for Group Voice. I'm taking the class because I'm not good at singing, and it feels so awkward to be doing when my housemates are home. And I have four housemates.
I thought I would have a lot of free time on Mondays and Wednesdays to get homework and readings done, but that hasn't been the case so far.
My mind and body are just exhausted.
Christmas break was so short. It was too short.