Ima Rapper

My rapping talents went unappreciated by my audience. So, rather than alter the lyrics, Ima just change my audience. I hope you can appreciate my lyrical ingenuity. ;) (Do rappers use emoticons?? Or multiply their punctuation? Word.)

EMINEM:

And you can never break my stride, never slow the momentum

at any moment I'm about to blow.

You'll never take my pride, killing the flow, slow venom and the

opponent

is getting no mercy, mark my words ain't lettin' up, relentless, I smell

blood

... where was you when i fell and needed help up?

L-HAFES

Where was I? Boy I can see that you ain't let

go of your pride

cuz I was standin in line with all the people that was

tryin to help you up

but fool you was so prideful that you wouldn't look up,

wouldn't let anyone in, couldn't see the love.

I'm going places. But I do still need to learn how to correctly punctuate and incorrectly articulate. Those grammar shenanigans are hard to catch on to.

Dear Michigan,

Today was my last day of school. May 26th. That means that it is officially Summer Vacation. So. Why did I go to school today wearing a sweater AND a jacket? Why is it 56' with very cold rain? Answers appreciated.

Sincerely,

Lauren

P.S.- If you would not rain on June 17th I would be MUCH obliged.

Dear Kind Stranger, You Made My Day

Text conversation goes as follows:

Random phone number: Talked to district office and understand you did also.

Me: Who is this?

Random phone number: Les Connolly*

Me: Sorry, I think you have the wrong number!

Random phone number: Scott Moore**?

Me: Nope!

Random phone number: Sorry.

Me: Not a problem

Random phone number: One digit off. My bad. Stay dry.

[NOTE: It has been POURING rain all day. And I mean POURING.]

Me: I wish....

[NOTE: This was not long after I had walked part-way home from school. Got pretty wet.]

Random phone number: Summer will be here. Anytime you want to talk, you have my number.

Me: I do! Have a lovely evening

Random phone number: Thanks. You too.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of this person who mistakenly entrusted me with his identity and phone number

**Name has been changed to protect the identity of this person whose name and mysterious district office visit have been given to me without their knowledge or consent.

Confessions:

1. I searched "Les Connolly" on Facebook. I just wanted to see who he was. And I found him. I did not, however, friend him. (STRANGER DANGER)

2. I did save his number to my phone. What? He practically told me to....

This is the best "wrong number" conversation I've had. Following close behind is the person I accidentally texted a hotel name and address to (not sketch at all...) and in hot pursuit the lady from a company who was trying to contact the person who used to have my phone number (NOT Scott Moore) and enjoyed my voicemail greeting. That one made me feel good inside. It was a good greeting. I miss that one.

Amor Vincit Omnia

Love Conquers All.

I'm Having a Sonic Caramel Malt

They don't make extra-large so I got a large and a small.

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That made me smile. Lil bit.

Oh Great....

Me: Some are born great, others achieve greatness.

Rebekah: I was bo-- wait. Which is better?


....And isn't that the question?



Is it better to be naturally endowed, or to have the money for implants?

(Spun that way, she says it's better to be naturally endowed, unless you don't like "the big")



P.S. The actual quote:

"...Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."
--Shakespeare

Brownies

We were all sitting down eating our waffles for breakfast on Sunday morning when my Mom walked by the remnants of last night's dessert: about half a pan of very, very good brownies.

Mom: Who's been mangling the brownies?

She then proceeded to "straighten" the edge of the brownies, the line between brownie and pan, a currently haphazard and jagged line due to a lack of cutting skills on the part of an unknown person, plus the fact that brownies are so soft and crumble so easily that sometimes a chunk that should belong to one brownie is served out with another...

Me: I don't think they were really mangled...I think she just wanted to "straighten" them out.

Rebekah: I straighten them all the time!

Jake: I do, too. Like every time I walk by.


All this provokes the question.... With all the straightening of the brownie line that goes on in this house...why is it that the brownies are never straight?